THE NEW ANGEL OF LA:  AND MORE TALES FROM THE FIRST ROUND

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Hi everyone, seeing as how today was a national holiday, THE NFL draft, I figured I’d give you a quick snapshot of what transpired.  Starting with my man Jared…

You stole my heart last August Jared, and you’ll be stealing it for years to come in the NFC West.  His only knock was small hands, small hands?!  Small hands?!!!!  This kid has all the tangibles, first and foremost humility.  He’s got a bazooka in his arm, Einstein intellect, and he can run.  I’m still crying the Niners didn’t trade up.

Carson Wentz is a wild card.  I like my quarterbacks facing NFL prototypes and you’re not going to find that in Fargo, North Dakota.  Having said that, he may be able to make the transition, but I’m just not sold.  Who’s ever even been to North Dakota?  Hasn’t Canada annexed them already?  You sort of look left at Mount Rushmore and say, good luck up there guys.  Down here we call them buffalo, not bison.

Joey Bosa at three blew my mind!  Did you see him at the combine?  I nicknamed him Joey Slowsa.  Terrible motor, played around an entire NFL team, beat my Oregon Ducks to a pulp, so I’m not biased at all.  Still, a complete stretch at 3.  Good luck in all your future endeavors San Diego.  But lets be honest, nobody watches football in SD anyway.

Thank you Dallas!   You glorious morons, for shucking the one rule of the NFL draft:  You never, ever, ever take a running back in the first round.  Everyone had Ezekiel Elliot on their board, and I get it, let’s collectively assemble and make dumb decisions.  It’s like a Donald Trump party!  Sorry, I had to go there.  Loved the ‘Boys grabbing a running back, it made my day.

Best player and future Hall of Famer Jalen Ramsey gets gifted to JAX at 5.  Far and away the most polished and best player of this draft.  The kid flies to the ball and you’ll be seeing him in Honolulu for years to come.  Love this pick, he’s my favorite behind Goff.

Ronnie Stanley at 6 surprised me.  Obviously because of Tunsil.  I think this a safety pick for the Ravens.  I’m not sure how much Tunsil smoking something out of a gas mask hurt his chances, but I’m not sold on Stanley.  Slow off the ball and no motivation were my factors.

BOOOOYA San Francisco!!!  The Niners never draft a single one of my favorites and finally changed course.  Deforest Buckner is going to absolutely terrorize Goff, Carson Palmer, and Russell Wilson for years.  Duck fans loved this guy from the get go, and for good reason.  Trent Baalke, you done well sir.

Like Jack Conklin a lot to Tennessee at 8.  I preferred him over Stanley and Tunsil.  The most pro-ready and experienced OT.  And no headaches whatsoever.

Leaonard Floyd is probably the guy I’d most want to share a foxhole with during war.  6′ 6″, 244 lbs, and runs a 4.65 40.  Pure athlete and should fit in perfectly on the banks of Lake Michigan.

Not sure about the GMen taking Eli Apple.  I guess Apple in the Big Apple makes sense?  Big stretch, when he was a late first rounder at best.  My sister Deidre may strike me down, but are you kidding me Giants?!!  Bad pick.

Now for a quality pick, that New York should have made, Tampa swoops in and grabs Vernon Hargreaves III.  Gamer, pure gamer.  You get a 4.4 guy to wreak havoc on Cam Newton, Drew Bress, and Matt Ryan.  Big need and Tbay filled it.

Not gonna lie, I have absolutely no idea about Sheldon Rankins going to New Orleans at 14.  Uhh he went to Louisville.  That’s a city in Kentucky and I hear they have good BBQ.  Moving along.

Steal of the draft.  Laremy Tunsil was the #1 pick of the NFL draft one month ago.  This pick reminds me of Randy Moss years ago falling to the Vikings because he inhaled something of questionable influence.  That’s not a character concern in my eyes.  He’s gonna be a stud in the league.

Karl Joseph is tiny.  He runs a 4.55 40, which lineman can run.  And he played in an abysmal Big-12.  Gotta love those Raiders!  Have fun with that one, wait aren’t you guys moving to Vegas?  Bad pick.

Corey Coleman to Cleveland is a wild card in my eyes.  He’s a burner but he’s also only 5’ 11″, which makes me nervous.  If I’m drafting receiver this early, I want speed and height.  But it’s Cleveland, they never really pay attention to logic.

Love Taylor Decker to Detroit.  He’s gigantic, huge wingspan, and now a little comfort for Matt Stafford.  I think he could kill a grizzly bear with his bare hands.  Great pick.

Another bizarre pick goes to Atlanta at 17.  Keanu Neal?  With all the corners and safeties still on the board you’re gonna draft a Keanu?  I can’t stop saying, ‘Utah…gimme 2!’

Colts as they always do, identify a need, adjust accordingly, and draft correctly.  Ryan Kelly is the best center out there and the Colts pulled the trigger.  They’re like the Anti-Raiders, they just do it right, year in year out.

Shaq Lawson, besides having one heck of a name, is up there on my list of quality picks. He’ll fit in perfectly in Buffalo, not just because Rex Ryan’s son plays for Clemson where he scouted him for a year.

Another Buckeye?  Unreal the pro talent Ohio State had this last year.  I’m not sold on Darron Lee though, but apparently the New York Jets are.  Little undersized and slow off the ball.  But what do I know, they killed Oregon in the natty a year ago.

Will Fuller is an interesting pick at 21 for Houston.  I like his hands and speed but not sure how you grab him with Doctson and Treadwell still on the board.  Should complement Deandre Hopkins, but it’s a stretch for me.

Which brings us to my favorite receiver of the draft.  Josh Doctson crushed it at TCU consistently week in and week out.  Best route runner, big hands, perfect guy for Washington.  Desean may have a little company in the capital.

Laquon Treadwell to Minnesota was a given.  Teddy Bridgewater needs a little help on the edge and this is the guy to do it.  I’m a little nervous about the knee injury against Auburn a year ago, but he seems good to go.

William Jackson III seems ready to go for Cincinatti, I just didn’t see much of him playing at Houston.  Another guy I’ve heard nothing but good things about, but know nothing.

The Pittsburgh Steelers grabbing Artie Burns at 25 was a steal.  Besides football, he ran track, the hurdles mind you.  Pure speed and complete athlete.  The knock is he’s got raw talent, but you can figure that out pretty quick in the Steel City.  You can’t teach speed.

The Broncos trading up for Paxton Lynch made sense, but again, I don’t dig quarterbacks from small schools.  Memphis did play some quality opponents, but it’s not the Pac-12 over SEC.  Good BBQ, mediocre competition.

Not to sure how Myles Jack is still on the board especially with the Packers drafting his teammate Kenny Clark at 27.  I think this is another safe, no worries pick.  I hate that style of drafting, but the Packers always know what they’re doing.

I’m still shaking my head at the Niners trading up to take a guard who they could have nabbed in the third round.  Remember all those kind words from earlier Trent Baalke, off the table!!!  Moronic trade and just a friendly reminder how much we despise the Niner’s front office.

I love Nkemdiche more than you know, and it is going to be painful having to gameplan his attack for my Niners.  Absolute stud, hall of fame game.  Arizona just got a blank check from the rest of the NFC to book the conference.

Vernon Butler sounds like he should be a waiter at a steakhouse.  I’m not sure about his game, being a Louisiana Tech guy.  But do the Panthers really need any more help?  That team is vengeful after that Super Bowl loss.

Seattle trades down and grabs the better guard that San Francisco passed on.  Germain Ifedi is 74 feet tall annd 19,000 pounds of pure anger.  Just google a picture of him, it looks like he’d punt you 200 yards if he wanted to, nice work on passing on him SF.  SMH, SMH, SMH Baalke!!!

So that’s your first round sports fans.  More fun tomorrow!

Roll Tide.

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TIME FOR A LITTLE CHANGE: THE REDSKIN DEBATE

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I would like to take a minute and thank everyone who’s had an influence in my life and say thank you.  You are much appreciated.  This is my favorite month and it centers on gratitude.  So let’s take a little look at the soldiers in MA.

My heroes of the week:  The 14 staff members and specifically editor-in-chief Gillian McGoldrick, of the Neshaminy High School newspaper, ‘The Playwickian’, for refusing to acknowledge and ultimately dropping the  offensive and reprehensible term “Redskins” off the school paper letterhead.

http://takingnote.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/11/15/the-news-at-neshaminy-high/?_r=0

Local controversy was instantaneous. The newspaper editors said school officials e-mailed a “directive” questioning the students’ right to ban the word and ordering its continued use by the paper at least until a Nov. 19 hearing over the issue. And the staff was told it wasn’t allowed to reject advertisements using the word, like the one from an alumnus extolling “a century of school and community, history pride and tradition, go Skins.”

This is my new fight:  The use of the word or mascot “Redskins”, especially in a publicly funded high school, is beyond wrong and I wrote an email to the Neshaminy School District Board demanding a complete and very comprehensive apology from the principal, Robert Mcgee who stated:

“I don’t think that (The use of the term Redskins) has been decided at the national level, whether that word is or is not offensive.  It’s our school mascot,” Mcgee said.  “I see it as a First Amendment issue running into another First Amendment issue.”

Mr. McGee, I see my fists pummeling your face as my own invented amendment right,  and just an example of how morally skewed and offensive your remarks are.   If I had a child they would not be in attendance for one day at your high school as long as you were running the show.  You should be ashamed of yourself.

I am a history and political science major, so I have a pretty good understanding of the absolute genocide inflicted upon Native Americans in our country’s early youth.  I will not budge on this issue.  The word “Redskin” is beyond offensive, racist, and synonymous with the darkest time of our country, right alongside slavery.  The United Nations and international definition of the term genocide is as follows:  “The deliberate and systematic destruction, in whole or in part, of an ethic, racial, caste, religious, or national group.”  Make no mistake, this was the case and happened with Native Americans.

In modern times there have been only four blatant examples of genocide that are tough to debate:  The Holocaust and Nazi Germany during WWII, Pol Pot and the Khmer Rouge in Cambodia, The Hutu/Tutsi Conflict in Rwanda, and the almost complete destruction of the U.S. Native American indigenous population.  If you care to argue this reality, I’ll just let the facts speak for themselves.  In 1500 the estimated North American Indian population was 12 Million.  In 1900, that number was approximately 237,000.  So basically the entire current population of Pennsylvania was reduced to the city of Pittsburg in a couple hundred years.  This happened.  Philadelphia and the rest of PA, wiped off the face of the planet.  Still disagree?  Here’s the website:  http://hnn.us/article/7302  The domain name is .US so I think they may be reputable.  Otherwise, you can pretty much disregard your sanity and join Team Mel Gibson.

Now back to my point.  If you read the little paragraph above, how can you actually defend any public United States taxpayer funded high school or university using the word “Redskins”???!!!!  Dan Snyder can do whatever he wants, he owns the DC Redskins and that is a private NFL enterprise.  That is his right as a U.S. businessman.  I don’t agree, but it is his given right.  He can call them the DC Crackers for all I care.  But when a rich presumably Caucasian season ticket holder in the District of Colombia or an also white privileged deuschbag principal in Massachusetts (Hey I’m exorcising my first amendment rights Principle Dickhead!  And dickheads and deuschbags weren’t even killed off in alarming numbers in our past!  They should have been, but somehow just kept on running!!!)  Anyway if Dickhead McGee decides to state that utter excrement of a quote, I have a huge problem.  And I’m right.

Let me first state, I’m not calling for Principal McGee or anyone to be fired for this matter.  I don’t believe anyone should call for someone to be fired unless that person broke a serious law or did something so egregious to warrant a firing.  I think that public employment executions are fueled by judgment and fury that is commonplace in our society, and I do not back any part of that reality.  However, I do think a parade should be held for those 14 kids standing up and voicing their fierce objection, in the face of school management, to a very racist term that most any Native American would probably object to.  If you disagree that’s fine, but just ask an Indigenous American (As in, there blood line started on this continent long before yours or mind did) if they find the term “Redskin”  offensive?  Chances are you probably you don’t know one.  There are only a select few with actual legitimate bloodlines.  Your and my ancestors murdered all the rest.  But go ahead and make fun of the tone of their skin asshole, or call it your first amendment right to do so.  Or you could make a donation to the Native American Heritage Association and remember what a beautiful world this is, and one that should be built upon acceptance and good-will towards others.  Or you could complain that changing the name of the Washington D.C. or other select High School Redskins hurts you in some way.  That’s what a terrible person does.  That’s the line Dickhead McGee walked.  That is not how you Roll Tide.

How do you Roll Tide?  Stand up and make it be known you stand for integrity and don’t believe or acknowledge something so reprehensible , no matter how many adults tell you that you are wrong.   Keep fighting the good fight Editor-In-Chief Mr. McGoldrick.  I hope you’re leading the New York Times in the near future.  The world needs more people like you kid.

Roll Tide.

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WHAT IS RIGHT IN THE WORLD: BATKID

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All it took was a little kid named Miles Scott to remind me that this world is a beautiful beautiful place.

So, to the Batkid on the prowl in the San Francisco Bay Area.  I salute you.  You are a beacon for everything that is right in the world.  I got your back Batkid!

I won’t explain, just read the story, take a look at the pictures, and remember that when people truly come together, nothing but compassion and sincere good-will takes shape.

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/san-francisco-turns-gotham-city-batkid-article-1.1518454

I’m in awe, and I’ve been in awe for 3 days reading about this little tyke.  I would give anything to be in the Bay this weekend and see this kid take out the Riddler, grub with Batman, and save Lou Seal.  I heart Batkid.

Ok now back to reality.  And reality is this….

Your off-shore gambling brokerage has been hurting due to my leave of absence.  For this I apologize.  So let’s take a little looky look at this weekend in sport and see if I can give you a little insight so you can get your girl roses instead of carnations next weekend.  #ColeWern!   So my game of the week:

Stanford v. SC  tonight at 5 PM.

My good bud Jimmie and myself argued about this for 21 hours this week, as the Oregon Ducks got all eyes on this game.

#1.  If SC wins, that means two big losses for Stanford in Pac-12 play, setting the stage for the Duckers to dance with ASU or SC in the Pac-12 Championship.  And a tough, but possible, chance that they could play in the National Championship.  Or as my brother Connor Bue calls it, the NATTY BRAH!!!

#2.  If Stanford wins, they can set up camp in Pasadena early, as this would be there trip to the “Grandaddy of them All” and a War of the Roses with either Ohio State or Wisconsin.

#3.  C-dub gets called up to either head the offense for the SF Niners (Because Colin Kaepernick just isn’t getting the JOB done) or for the Ducks (Because Mariotta has a destroyed left knee and someone’s got to get the rock to Josh Huff!).

#4.  Colin Kaepernick stops wearing red suits and sunglasses indoors to the ESPYs and instead focuses on football.  All is well in the world.

Cdub’s Everlast Locks of the Week

Starting with my Game of the Week!

Stanford at USC (+4)

Grab those four points and buy yourself a Trojan Condom because the boys from South Central will more than cover that spread.  I like SC winning outright.  Thank you for the four points, can I have your girlfriend while I’m at it Vegas!

Philly Eagles at the DC Insenitives (+4)

Bill Simmons refuses to aknowledge the absolutely offensive name of the team in Washington DC.  I’m on board.  In doing so I think that Nick Foles will throw 19 touchdowns, easily cover the 4 points, and dawn a Native American Headdress while giving the proverbial ‘bird’ to the entire District of Colombia on Sunday.

SF Niners at New Orleans (-3.5)

Love Drew Brees.  We already reviewed my thoughts about Captain Colin.  Tough call being that I live and die in Niner Red, but after witnessing Drew Brees kidnap the entire NY Giants team on Sunday night, I’m buying Brees stock and sitting pretty.  Take the points, the Saints and a little sip of bourbon, and eat some jambalaya.  It’s just too bad that Batkid isn’t at QB for SF.  Speaking of Batkid….

Batkid vs. America’s Hearts (-100,000,000)

I don’t know if I’ve ever seen a 100 million point spread, but Batkid can easily cover.  I’d take this line if it were 1 Billion.

That’s all I got.  But remember one person on this earth personifies my definition of Roll Tide – Batkid.

Roll Tide Batkid.  Roll Tide.

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STANLEY CUP PLAYOFFS: FLICKING THE SWITCH ON THAT LITTLE RED LAMP

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Wednesday night saw one of the longest NHL playoff games in history won by Andrew Shaw, a relatively unknown forward of the Chicago Blackhawks.  It was a truly epic exhausting game with so many story lines that I figured, much like the man of the hour, I’d pay  a little homage to another unsung hero:  The Man Behind the Light Switch.

Portland, Oregon

Wednesday night. Game 1 Stanley Cup Finals Chicago Blackhawks vs. Boston Bruins. Double Overtime.

Boston Bruin forward Jaromir Jagr seemingly ends the game…

(Yes, I just said Jaromir Jagr. That is correct, he is still in the league after 41 years on this beautiful earth. What Mom? Yes that’s also correct. Back in 1994 you did throw my Mitsubishi 13″ television against the wall because I defied your orders to go to sleep and instead played NHL ’94 on my SuperNintendo with the Lemieux/Jagr led Pittsburgh Penguins. This is reason #47 that I am not getting old. I just watched a game featuring a player that I played in a video game, on a 13″ TV, and was grounded for it. What a world!) Sorry to get off topic.

Boston Bruin forward Jaromir Jagr deflects a pass from teammate and captain Zdeno Chara, that looks and sounds like the game-winner as it careens into the post and slides across the red line.

This is the moment that anyone who has ever played league hockey will attest to, and was actually my Dad’s job for many our games growing up. This is the moment when the most powerful man in any hockey arena is on point and at his best, this is ‘Light Bulb Guy’ time.
As Jagr literally paints the inner post with black puck for what was surely a goal, the following exchange occurred:

Jimmie: That’s a goal. Damn. I wanted the ‘Hawks.
Me: Nope.
Jimmie: What?!!! Why? That’s a goal man.
Me: Nope. No red light.
Jimmie: Huh?

If you live on the east coast or experience actual winters, you can skip a few paragraphs down at this point. However, if you are among the majority of my friends who happen to post 1.3 billion posts on Facebook about an Oakland Athletics run in June (Shhhhh, it’s early.  We’re still in quiet fist-pump time, please don’t anger the Gods), but don’t know what a zamboni is, here’s a lesson:  Hockey is awesome, especially summer hockey.  If only for the fact that on every goal, a little red light and siren behind the glass goes off and the home crowd goes nuts……That is unless your a Sharks fan during the playoffs which means the other team scored.  And they did.  Again.  A lot.  But I’m good.  Sort of.  Anyways, I digress.

In baseball, there’s the ump behind the plate who can be overruled by anyone including your mother at any point. In football, Packers/Seahawks comes to mind and every other blown call ever, even those using replay. In basketball don’t even get me started, Donaghi anyone?! The fricken Mob was involved. That a kid David Stern! In UNO Connor always cheats and there is no ref. But when it comes to hockey, in the end just one dude. Just one person who tells you it’s time to go home for the night. His/Her entire existence: Watching one strip of red line and determining if one little rubber pellet ever fully crosses that line. Then and only then, he gets to flick that little switch to signal a goal, ignite a little red beacon right behind the plexiglass, and pandemonium or utter heartbreak ensues. THE POWER, THE POWER!!!!

The best part about Light Bulb Guy is that until he flicks that switch, there can be no celebration of any kind. When Jagr hit that post, at least 3 players stopped skating completely and stared directly behind the goal looking for the red light to signal it was time to go home. So next time you watch a hockey game, which I really hope you do this week, just pay a little attention to the messiah in security gear behind the goal. Announcers, players, vendors, fans, Jesus, 2pac, and the Kool-Aid man always bow to Light Bulb Guy.

The night may have belonged to the Blackhawks when they took down the Bruins later in triple overtime.  But I like to think it was Light Bulb Guy who slept easy that night knowing he got to flick the switch on his home ice and send everyone home happy.  At one point the announcers even yelled about how they couldn’t believe the Jagr deflection wasn’t a goal. In the post-game press conference Chicago alum Jeremy Roenick even commented that everyone in the building thought it was over, but thank goodness for the guy controlling the red-light.

In the end, it’s a great symbol in life.  It doesn’t matter how close you think you are, if you hear it hit the pipe, cross the line, Mom screams ‘Goal’, 40,000 fans celebrate, and the ref give the hand signal; All that matters is the moment that little red 60-watt bulb goes click and it all comes together.  Then you can dance. Only then is it over. Then and only then you can truly:

Roll Tide.

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WE ARE BACK.

My apologies.  Replacement refs muddied the waters.  We’re back.  Back to Riding the Tide.  Check back this weekend:  NFL picks, life’s lessons, Sandusky burns, and the world turns.  And so we beat on, boats against the current…..

Roll Tide.

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OLYMPIC DECATHLON: THE ESSENCE OF PRE

“The beauty is the pursuit of the limit, not the limit itself”  — Ashton Eaton

“Somebody may beat me, but they are going to have to bleed to do it”  — Steve Prefontaine

EUGENE, OR.  With all due respect to Lebron and Syrian missile defenses, last month truly belonged to an emerging legend from Oregon, and set the stage for an epic event at this weeks Olympic Games.  In an unbelievably awe-inspiring performance, Bend native Ashton James Eaton set the world record for the decathlon in the U.S. Olympic Trials amidst pouring rain in Eugene.  Let me go ahead and repeat that last part:  WORLD RECORD AMIDST POURING RAIN.  Over the course of two typical Oregon spring days, Eaton absolutely dominated the field and reminded fans that the decathlon is back, and London better take notice.  It was track and field’s version of the flu-stricken Michael Jordan NBA Finals Game.  True greatness emerges when the stakes are the highest, the landscape volatile, and the athlete most tested.  Sorry Mr. Phelps, the pool is old news.  These Olympic Games will belong to Ashton and that 10 event monster.

Somewhere, Bruce Jenner just smiled…..And a Kardashian set her eyes on another target.

Let’s start from the beginning.  First off, the point that sets the decathlon apart from any other Olympic event, is that you are truly 100% on your own, and you can not slip up, even once, over an entire 2 grueling days for that 1 illustrious gold.  Scratch just one of the 4 races (100 m, 110 m hurdles, 400 m, and 1500 m) and you can say goodbye to gold, much less any medal.  But just running would be too easy.  So naturally the Olympic Gods spliced random field events into the fold, just to keep the athletes insane.  Nice work Zeus.   It’s really the Olympics’ version of The Hunger Games.  If you don’t run, jump, leap, vault, hurdle, or throw giant spears on your way to victory…..You lose.  Plain and simple.  Side note, Katniss Everdeen and District 12 will not be performing in this year’s Olympics.  Sadly, Everdeen’s drug use pertaining to ‘Nightlock’ renders her ineligible on competitive advantage.  That’s correct I just worked The Hunger Games into the equation.  You could say that I’m, ‘Catching Fire’ so to speak.  Boom that’s two!

You know what’s not awesome?  Christian Gray and Anastasia Steele.  Really people?!?  Awful.  Simply awful.  50 Shades of Awful.  America is doomed when 1,2,3 on the NY Times Bestseller list is 3 different volumes of excrement on paper.  But I digress.  Back to the decathlon.

Let’s just break it down, in order, by event.

The Decathlon and why you would fail and why Ashton will win:

Day 1 – Event 1:  The 100 Meter Dash

Analysis:  Pretty much anyone can do it, even your Grandpa on his Rascal.  The easiest, quickest, and most remedial event.  Which is one why this puppy goes first.

Ashton:  Goes out and sets a world record for a decathlete in this event.  In the rain.  Not at all easy to do on slippery track.

Event 2:  Long Jump

Analysis:  Pretty much anyone can do it, even your Grandpa on his Rascal, with a ramp of course.  Physically, the easiest field event, the quickest field event (3 jumps), and most remedial field event.  Which is why this field puppy goes first.

Ashton:  Goes out and sets a world record for a decathlete.  In the rain.  Did I mention that?  So we are one hour into this event and records are falling just as quick as that Pacific NW drizzle.

Event 3:  Shot Put

Analysis:  The Iron Horse of events.  I like to think the Decathlon was originally the Nonathlon (9 events).  My reasoning being the only other true Olympic grinder is the 7 event Heptathlon, and that 7 and 9 event competitions coincide, but that Nonathlon just didn’t sound right.  So Zeus looked at Hera who looked at Jupiter who looked at Aphrodite who looked at Saturn who looked at Pluto (Just kidding, he doesn’t belong, science zing), and they collectively agreed, “Whaddya say we just throw a big heavy stone or something, and make this thing a Deca?”  Agreed.  The birth of the decathlon.  Or at least in my cool world, that’s how it transpired.

Ashton:  Places.  And by that I mean he threw that stone far.  Much farther than you or I could.  Fact.

Event 4:  High Jump

Event 5:  400 meters

Day 2 – Event 6:  110 m Hurdles

Event 7 – Discuss

Event 8 – Pole Vault

Event 9 – Javelin

Oh you wanted results and insight?  My apologies, but just try and find any articles that aren’t glory pieces and Bruce Jenner tributes on the web about the middle events.  As I’m not a member of the AP and literally can not for the life of me find results on the middle events, I’ll just summarize.  Ashton Eaton did one heck of a job in those middle events.  One real heck of a job.

In reality, Ashton won an unprecedented 7 of 10 events but only received solid street credit for his sprint, long jump, and the 1500.  He actually blew away the field.  Unfortunately, you won’t find the AP writing stories about his dominance in winning the pole vault and setting a personal record or his conquering the illustrious discuss.  I’m appalled.  I’m also following suit.  Sue me.  I told you he did one heck of a job.  You want to see more, tune into London real time and watch him become immortal.  But wait we got one left….

Final Event:  Event 10 – 1500 Meters

Stop reading now.  I mean it.  Look straight ahead.  Undoubtedly, you are in your living room, or possibly an office environment, maybe just lounging on a couch. Imagine you are the most tired you ever been in your whole life.  Combine that with being mentally exhausted beyond recognition.   Now stand up and run as fast as you can for 4,921 feet.  Or 16.4 football fields.  Or from here to that TV in front of you 492.1 times back and forth.  Dead tired.

Analysis:  That’s why nobody can do it.  Especially your Grandpa on his Rascal.  Physically the hardest, most grueling, purely punishing event.  That’s why this puppy goes dead last.

“With 600 meters to go, I became a firm believer that the Hayward magic does exist.  I felt it for for 600 meters … I knew there was no way I was not going to get the world record”  –Ashton Eaton

“I’m going to work so that it’s a pure guts race at the end, and if it is, I am the only one who can win it”  —  Steve Prefontaine

Ashton:  Goes out and sets the overall decathlon world record with his scorching win in the 1500.  Pure Guts.  In the sun.  The glorious sun.  Ash also delivers a sledgehammer of a message that London is calling, and he’s answering.  From the looks of the weather as the skies cleared on that final event in Eugene, the Greek gods abide.  If you’re buying into the 5 ring circus that is the Olympics, this is the event to watch.  One athlete’s singular pursuit of the limit, not the limit itself.  The essence of Pre.

I’ll be watching.

Roll Tide.

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THE DICE WAS LOADED FROM THE START

Jobbed:  Verb  \jōb-du\  also pronounced \pah-key-ow\   To be the victim of a conspiracy; to lose a seemingly fair contest because of deceit; to be guaranteed to lose. The term derives from the professional wrestling term “jobber”.

LAS VEGAS  — Last Saturday night, as you’ve undoubtedly heard, Manny Pacquiao was absolutely robbed in one of the most infamous title fights in boxing history, losing to challenger Timothy Bradley in a controversial split decision.   Judges Duane Ford and C.J. Ross scored the bout 115-113 in favor of Bradley, setting the table for the second biggest tragedy in Vegas history (the first being of course when Roy Horn was attacked and critically injured by one of his tigers, and Siegfried couldn’t do a damn thing about it).   The fight sparked an increasingly prevalent debate regarding events that are decided by judge’s decisions, with the Filipino sensation front and center.

After watching his beloved Celtics drop Game 7 to the Miami Heat, Pacquiao opened his title defense angry and strong.  Dominating early and often, he seemed to let up and cruise in the later rounds, mirroring his late-round strategy in several of his previous fights, all unanimous wins. Controlling and dictating the majority of the fight, while landing 190 power blows compared to Bradley’s 112, Pacquiao seemed to have locked down another victory.  Only problem, someone forgot to alert the three judges.

See how they judge.  See how they judge.

With all due respect to judge Jerry Roth, who scored the fight 115-113 in favor of Pacquiao, even his scoring was incredibly controversial.  Several ESPN boxing experts scored the fight 119-109 for Pac-man.  Dan Rafeal, reporting ringside for ESPN, called it, “The worst, most bogus call in the history of boxing.”  The interweb and Sportscenter went viral with conspiracy.  Compubox, an innovative unbiased computer program that analyzes every punch thrown, awarded Pacquiao every major statistical category (punches thrown, punches landed, power punches thrown/landed, jabs, hooks, angry looks, etc…).

I know what you’re thinking.  I don’t trust computers,  have you seen the Terminator saga?  I concur, so I turned to Connor the human computer, who doubles as my brother and our On the Ropes correspondent, for some insight.  His response is below word for word.

On the Ropes presented by Connor™ (Via text message)

When they spelled out exactly what judges looked for in scoring, and that scoring is *only* on a round-by-round basis, I can see where these yahoos may have been coming from.  An eggregious error?  Absolutely.  Does it thrust into the spotlight what was already a grim future for boxing?  Ohhh Boy Howdy!!!   What’s really interesting is that aggressiveness is weighted highest in scoring.  Control of the ring is only weighted third, believe it or not.  Which begs you to yell, PAC…You gotta knock him the F*** out man!

Suffice to say, the rematch will not be happening in Nevada.  Heads…be…rolling.  Connor out.

Insightful, reasonable, and working a ‘Boy Howdy’ into the conversation.  That’s why he’s our cut-man, just dropping daily dimes.

But still it wasn’t enough.  I needed more answers, and I needed them fast.  So I turned to the street, The Backstreet, for someone to shed some more light on the situation.  Enter Nick Carter, lead singer of the immortal Backstreet Boys.  To the Twitter!

I think I may never take boxing seriously after that tonight. Manny pacquiao won that fight! Sad day for boxing, I think we should protest!  @NickCarter

Dude, standing in an airplane hanger and claiming I Want it That Way, doesn’t classify as a protest.  Dammit Carter.

I’m gonna let it go… After I say this… Boxing was RUINED tonight for me.  I cannot believe what I just saw… Please tell me they read that decision wrong…#Rigged  @JustinTimberlake

Nice work judges, you just lost  N’Sync as well.  Break it on down to Omeletteville!

I’m so disgusted. The JUDGES need to be drug tested! What fight were they watching?!  @MarioLopez

A.C. Slater doesn’t lie.

Defeat never comes to any fighter until he loses his enthusiasm. Pacquiao, you are a winner.  @Paulo Coelho

Seriously?  The Alchemist weighs in?!?  The world was exploding, and still no answers.

All of this begs you to wonder – If the crowd was in disbelief, if a nation exploded in awe over the ruling, if conspiracy chants drenched us like Portland rain, if Backstreet and N’Sync could call a truce and focused on the injustice, and alchemy couldn’t solve the problem – How does this happen???

The answer:  When judges decide outcomes, sport ceases to be sport, and the art of being jobbed is put on display for the masses.  See:  Figure Skating, Salt Lake 2002 Olympic Winter Games.  The Mona Lisa of athlete v. judge.  Judges = Not sport.

The real problem is as long as 3 old timers sitting ringside get to shell out a decision and award a belt/trophy, then boxing, figure skating, MMA, gymnastics, Miss America pageants, diving,  and Fox News will always be exhibitions, not sport.  It’s all your fault America, you allow decisions to decide championships, which is inherently socialist.  No collective governing body should ever have to tell the people who won or lost.  If that we’re the case, the Patriots would have won the Super Bowl, because everyone hates New York, and they pretty much lose at life.  Single Jeter tear.

I will not stand for anymore of this boxing shenanigans, and call a point of order.  New rule, if nobody is knocked out after 12 rounds, the belt remains in the hands of the champ.  Motivation:  You want my belt?  Then you better knock me the f*** out.  Now that’s sport.  Now that’s America.

Sadly, in the current system boxing is no different then wrestling.  But at least Vince McMahon doesn’t hide the ridiculousness.  Manny you were robbed, jobbed, and indirectly killed boxing with this loss.  Dear boxing, you lose Timberlake, you lose America.  Fact.

It’s times like these when you need a little something to drown out all this injustice and it’s inherent aftermath.  You need a song, the cheesiest song.  You need classroom instruments, a bongo and kazoo.  You need The Roots.  Bring us home Jimmy.

Roll Tide.

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